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© 2017 LaTroy Hawkins

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My Current State Of Mind

I just wasn't feeling well enough to get my job done. I didn't want to be a superhero and keep going out there. I didn't feel good, and I hadn't felt good, for about 4 weeks now. I tried to pitch through it and wasn't able to do it. I've been feeling this way pretty much since March 20th in Spring Training. I was doing some things – treatment-wise – that I normally do toward the middle and end of the season, hoping it was going to get better. I tried to fight through it and just couldn't.

Tendinitis takes me awhile to get loose. I'm fine (most of the time) when I'm pitching, but afterwards it hurts like heck. I've had it before, probably about 10-12 years ago if I'm not mistaken. Can't say its part of getting old because young guys also get tendinitis. But it is part of the game…injuries. The best thing I can do is rest it right now because I was throwing 1 day and off 2 days, and that wasn't doing the bullpen any justice. After I pitched the other night, we just made the decision to go ahead and get some good rest so we don't have to keep revisiting this situation.

I will be with the team, in the bullpen, cheering everybody on. I will travel with the team, so I won't be going home and I won't be staying back in Denver. I'm still part of this team.

Our unbelievable trainer Keith Dugger read my mind. I said I only had one question and he immediately said, "Yes, LaTroy, you're going to travel with us." I was like, ok thank you. He already knew what I wanted to do…and that’s travel with the team. I didn't want to go home or stay in Denver. I can't help them right now, but I can give my support and be around for the young guys if they have questions and try to make myself as useful as possible.

I don't how it’s going to work. I do know Ottavino closed, and then Axford closed. Axford was activated when I was put on the DL. That helps the bullpen a lot. He brings a lot of experience late in the ball game. Axford and I are friends, and when the Rockies called him, I was the first guy he called. I told him, “Come over here and close some ballgames. I’m gonna need some help. If we get on a streak where we are winning, I can't close 40 ballgames. My arm won't allow it. I can't recover like I used to.”

When he came in for me after I blew the save in Milwaukee, I was the happiest guy on the bench for him. That was where it started for him. And they booed him. For him to go out there and get the save, I was the happiest guy in the stadium for Axford.

As for the team, we are two games over .500. We had a tough stretch vs. Los Angeles. They are playing well. San Diego is a completely different team than what they used to be. We played them tough. It's going to be an interesting National League West this year…it’s going to be tough.